In the Mind of a teenage psychopath
by K. L. Bloodfang
Summary: Hello there. The only reason this here is because of Cindy. I hope you're happy. Anywho, the story. This is the journal of Harry Potter, where he writes how little by little loses his mind. Contains cutting and characters death more than one. I know the
1. Entry 1: July 2

July 14

Entry # 1:

It isn't easy being I. As hard as I try to retain the little sanity that still is with me, it still slowly fades away, like the seasons in the year.

The dreams are always there, taunting me, haunting me every night, sometimes even during the day, the time in which I think I am save from them. My parent's death, their screams as they were killed, Cedric's death and Voldemort's resurrection and, of course, Sirius death as well. I can't take it, it is just too much. The fears, my fears of death and failure are slowly but surely overwhelming me, to the point in which I can barely tell the difference between my dreams, my thoughts and reality.

I can't take it anymore. Please, someone, help me before it is too late. I can feel my sanity escaping me, to the point in which sometimes it feels like someone else is in control, not me. Everything seems surreal to me, nothing seems real anymore. Ron, Hermione, Mrs. Weasley, anyone, HELP! HELP ME! PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP! Make the dreams stop, make the voices stop, make the fears stop. I can't take it anymore. I only remember pain, I only think pain. Please, someone, make it go away or I'll make it go away.

That might be fun.

Harry J. Potter Evans


	2. Entry 2: July 15

July 20

Entry # 2:

Today I found the perfect way to relieve and quiet the thoughts and voices in my head. I can't believe it, paradise was in front of me the whole time. And what do I have to do to get to this bliss of peace and quiet? Slit, cut my forearms with one of Uncle Vernon's razors. Watching the dark crimson liquid pour out of my flesh seems so relaxing and right. I did it twelve times on each of my forearms and it feels like heaven, dare I say.

But I must hide this cuts from my aunt and uncle. If they found out, who knows what they'll do to me. Right now, it's like 100 degrees Fahrenheit and I'm wearing a long-sleeve shirt to hide my cuts. They must think I'm insane.

And maybe I am, at least a little.

Harry J. Potter Evans


	3. Entry 3: July 25

July 25

Entry # 3:

Cutting and slitting my forearms isn't enough anymore. I did it again today, but the voices weren't quiet for long. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! All I want is for everyone in my head to be quiet!

Anyway, since cutting didn't keep the voices shut for long, I did the only logical thing: I cut even more. I cut my legs and thighs, mu abdomen and chest on top of the cuts I had done to my forearms in the morning. Ah, relieve! I felt so much better after doing that! Seventy two slashes plus the 24 from the 20th. Once again, the crimson red liquid poured out of me and calmed the demons and voices in my head.

It's paradise. No voices to disturb or torment me during the day; They bother enough during the night, in my dreams. They still repeat the events of the past two years over and over again, featuring the soundtrack with such hits as "Yells of the Potter's before death struck", "Voldemort's laughter", "Thud of dead bodies dropping" and "Wails of Baby Harry" by Lord Voldemort.

HAHAHAHA! I guess I needed that. It wasn't right though. It's the dreams, they're driving me insane! No matter how hard I try to wake up from the nightmares, I can't; The voices won't let me wake up. They like tormenting me.

And I deserve it; I killed them all.

Harry James Potter Evans


	4. Entry 4: July 31

July 31

Entry #4

A miracle happened today: My aunt and uncle took me shopping for a birthday present. See, I told you it was a miracle. They told me to choose two things, any things, for my birthday, on top of the clothes they were buying me. I guess they were worried about me or something and they were trying to cheer me up; they look sad every time they looked at me. I guess I must look very pathetic if even THEY felt sorry.

Anyways. I bought 12 long-sleeved shirts and 7 pairs of jeans. What? I'm a simple guy, I don't need much. Although aunt Petunia tried to convince me to buy sleeveless shirts, but I refused.

As for the two things, I chose 2 golden daggers. The first had a silver snake handle while the second had a silver lion. I just couldn't resist myself, I HAD to had them. My uncle asked me what I was going to do with two daggers, I told him they just looked pretty and I wanted them. But we all know that's not the reason I wanted. With those daggers I could cut far deeper that with a tiny little razor.

And that's exactly what I'm going to do now.

See you later, NOT!

I think is Harry Potter, but I'm starting to have my doubts.


	5. Entry 5: August 15

Well. I just want to thank Cindy for her review. You're the only reason I'm writing this my friend. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling does. If I did, Harry would be paired with Draco Malfoy and Sirius would be with Remus. I love yaoi, can't you tell?

Blah Harry speaking

**Blah Cato speaking**

_Blah Rurik speaking _

August 14

Entry # 5

I haven't written in a very long time. Two weeks to be precise. I have been in the hospital all this time.

**Remember his last entry? Well the voices, the evil voices kept telling him to slit his wrist and throat. They were very convincing and persuaded Harry to fo it. Stupid bastards, they could have killed us all, damn it!**

_Stop cursing, Cato!_

**What do you think; I'm three years old or something, Rurik!**

_I know you're not, but still. _

Can I continue writing in my journal you two!

**Sorry!**

_Sorry!_

Anyways, yes I did it. I slit my throat and wrists with my snake dagger. Aunt Petunia and uncle Vernon saved me though. But the relieve I felt was incredible.

I might just do it again, REALLY soon.

Harry James Potter Evans

**Cato**

_Rurik_


	6. Entry 6: August 15

Disclaimer: Harry still isn't with Draco, right. Then I don't own Harry Potter.

Blah Harry

**Blah Cato**

_Blah Rurik_

BLAH Roland

August 15

Entry # 6

WELL, HELLO THERE. ROLAND HERE. JUST FOR THE RECORD, IT WAS ME WHO TOLD HARRY TO SLIT HIS THROAT AND WRISTS.

_Why did you do that for!_

**Yeah, you moron! We could have all died, you bastard!**

BUT HE DIDN'T, DID HE? BESIDES, I KNEW IT WOULD MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER.

_But it could have killed him! We MUST stop him!_

**Yeah! Some of us would like to live, thank you very much!**

NO! IT WILL HELP HIM! WE JUST NEED TO CONTROL HIS CUTTING AND HAVE MEANS TO CONTROL THE BLEEDING.

**Fine, you prick. He does seem calmer when he does it, doesn't he Rurik?**

_Yes, he does. Very well, if it will help._

_Rurik_

**Cato**

ROLAND


	7. Entry 7: August 30

Disclaimer: Harry isn't with Draco, remember? So not mine.

Blah Harry

**Blah Cato**

_Blah Rurik_

BLAH ROLAND

August 20

Entry # 7

Things are just getting crazier. My aunt and uncle took me to a child psychologist. He started asking me questions, but then I blacked out. When I came back though, the doctor said that I was fine now, that what happened to me (slitting my wrist and throat) was caused by stress and confusion. My aunt and uncle seemed relieved . Do any of you have any idea of what happened?

_Well, Roland took control of your body and told the doctor about Sirius' and Cedric's deaths. Then he said that you were so lost and hurt that you saw on television that cutting made people happy so you tried. But it didn't help; It caused you and your family pain. He's a good actor. He even had Cato convinced and that saying a lot._

**Yeah! He was crying the whole time. He seemed so sincere!**

Didn't the doctor suspect anything? Where my aunt and uncle there?

YEP! THEY WERE THERE! NO ONE COULD TELL THAT I WASN'T YOU. AFTER ALL, IF I LOOKED LIKE YOU, TALKED LIKE YOU, THOUGHT LIKE YOU, THEN I HAD TO BE YOU. OR SO THEY THOUGHT. IDIOTS.

**I agree. Morons.**

_At least no one suspects a thing and we can continue cutting._

Yes we can. Why don't we do it now?

PERFECT!

ROLAND

**Cato**

_Rurik_

Harry James Potter Evans


	8. Entry 8: August 31

Disclaimer: Still no change in ownership.

Blah Harry

**Blah Cato**

_Blah Rurik_

BLAH ROLAND

_**Blah Harkin**_

August 31

Entry # 8

Tomorrow we begin another year of school. I'm afraid though. There's that voice again. It's driving me insane and I can't take it anymore! Everything was calm for weeks, just Cato, Rurik, Roland, cutting and me. But now, he's back. I don't want to fear him, but the voice, what he says, it's petrifying.

_Calm down Harry._

**Don't listen to that bastard**.

HE'S JUST TRYING TO SCARE YOU. DON'T LET HIM WIN!

I'm trying, but he's strong, so strong. I just...

_**It was your fault, Harry. You killed them all, Harry. Sirius, Cedric, you're parents... **_

_**They're all dead because of you. You're a failure, a poor excuse for a wizard, let alone a human being. You should have died right alongside your parents. You're worthless!**_

STOP IT! IT'S NOT TRUE! STOP TORMENTING HARRY!

_Yeah! Enough is enough!_

**Who the hell are you, anyway?**

Yes, who are you and why do you torment me?

_**I'm Harkin, and I'm only saying what you feel deep inside your soul. Nothing else, nothing more. Anything you feel, I'll tell you. I'm NOT tormenting you, you're tormenting YOURSELF. Let it go, before it's to late. **_

_**Harkin**_

_Rurik_

**Cato**

ROLAND

Harry James Potter Evans****


	9. Entry 9: September 1

Disclaimer: Is Sirius alive and dating/ married to Remus? No? THEN I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER!

Blah Harry

**Blah Cato**

_Blah Rurik_

BLAH ROLAND

_**Blah Harkin**_

September 1

Entry # 9

I couldn't sleep at all last night. The nightmares are back, but this time I see the death of people I care of. Why! Why is this happening to me! Why do I dream that Hermione bleeds to death after being stabbed in her heart! Why do I dream that Ron gets decapitated in his sleep! Why do I dream that Dumbledore is beaten so bad he dies, mumbling something! Why do I dream that Malfoy's body is found bloodless and his heart and some flesh are missing! Why do I dream that a dark, hooded figure drinks drinking Malfoy's blood and eating his heart and flesh! What was Dumbledore mumbling before he died! Who is that person that eats Malfoy!

Not that I really mind.

**Why do you keep asking so many questions we have no damn knowledge of? They're your dreams, not ours!**

_Do you always have to be so rude, Cato?_

**Yes, It is who I am. Blame Harry! He made me this way, just like he made you an obnoxious no it all and Roland a dumbass.**

HEY! I'M NOT DUMB!

**Whatever.**

I hate these dreams. They scare me.

_**Well, you deserve them. You killed Cedric, Sirius and your parents. Who knows, maybe they aren't even dreams, but premonitions? Ever thought about that Harry?**_

WHY WOULD HARRY HURT THE PEOPLE HE CARES FOR!

**Most of the people he cares for, dumbass.**

Harry LOATHES Malfoy, Roland.

I KNOW THAT! AND STOP CALLING DUMBASS, CATO!

_**I'm telling you, Harry. Let go of the guilt before it consumes you. And don't lie to me. I'll know when you let go; I know all you're deepest thoughts. You must be careful of what you think also. Dreams and nightmares are elaborate thoughts of what your heart's desires. **_

HARRY WOULD NEVER HURT ANYONE.

_**Maybe not yet, but with the right persuasion he just might. And unfortunately there is someone near by that can provide that persuasion. **_

Who? I will not listen to him!

_**You have no choice, Harry. Just be careful and let go of all this thoughts and negative feelings. They are what empowers him. If he gets too powerful, none of us will be able to stop him. **_

**Who is he! Tell me!**

_Yes please. Tell us!_

_**He is the darkness with whom everyone is born with. Everyone is good when s/he is born. It is our environment and thoughts that empower this darkness and make people change, for the worse. He can be stopped if Harry stops this negative way of thinking in time. **_

_**And I'm afraid there isn't much left.**_

_**Harkin**_

**Cato**

_Rurik_

ROLAND

Harry James Potter Evans


	10. Entry 10: September 2

**_Disclaimer: _**Is Draco dating Harry? No? THEN I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER!

It's actually kinda funny. I LOVE yaoi and mpreg, yet I haven't written a yaoi and/or mpreg Harry Potter fan fiction. I do have an original yaoi and mpreg story, though!

blah you'll soon find out

( When this character writes, he will do so in small caps, so don't tell me I forgot to capitalized names or the I, it's just a way to differentiate him when all the characters are together later.)

September 2

entry # 10

a journal to write how i made him fall in despair and go right into insanity. perfect! it's too late to stop me, no one can, now. not cato, not harkin, not rurik, not roland, not his pathetic little friends, not dumbledore and specially not harry.

i'll kill them all, well, make harry kill them. those weren't nightmares, nor premonitions, those were my plans harry saw. i'll drive him insane. he's already half-way there thanks to voldie. i'll kill him also. he's competition and the wizarding world isn't big enough for the two of us to destroy. watch out world, cause here i come! (insert insane evil cackle here.)

you'll soon find out


	11. Entry 11: September 5

Disclaimer: Is Remus pregnant with Sirius' child? No? THEN I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER!

Blah Harry

**Blah Cato**

_Blah Rurik_

BLAH ROLAND

_**Blah Harkin**_

September 5

Entry # 11

I can't believe it! Hermione is dead! Just like in my dream. She died three days ago. She was stabbed in the heart with a dagger. I haven't seen it, though. I have been unconscious in the Hospital Wing ever since. They believe that whoever killed Hermione also slitted my wrists and throat. How little do they know! They though that, because they found my blood on her body and the dagger, which makes no sense what-so-ever.

_**Even though it might have been YOU who killed her? I think you did.**_

_Shut up! Harry wouldn't do something like that!_

**Yeah! Nerdy here is right.**

I AGREE!

_Exactly . . . Hey! Who are you calling "Nerdy"?_

People, focus!

_Sorry._

**Sorry.**

SORRY.

_**Harry, remember. There is someone else here that can take control over you, who feeds on you're thoughts and feelings, Harry. I know you haven't eliminated those thoughts from your mind and heart. He might be strong enough all ready to take control over you. And that's precisely what I fear.**_

**Damn it! That not good!**

_He could have possessed Harry, while we were unconscious and kill 'Mione._

THAT WOULD EXPLAIN YOUR BLOOD ON HER. YOU MUST HAVE USED THE SAME DAGGER YOU USED TO SLIT YOUR WRISTS AND THROAT!

Shit! I killed Hermione!

Harry James Potter Evans

_Rurik_

_**Harkin**_

ROLAND

**Cato**


	12. Entry 12: September 6

Disclaimer: Is Hermione in love with Ron and Ron with her? Yes? THEN I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER! Wait! Yes? Oh, that does happen in the books. Let me think then. I know

Is Hermione in love with Ron and Ron with her, so Draco is free to date Harry and viceversa? No? THEN I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER!

Now that works!

blah you'll soon find out

September 6

entry # 12

first, seal last entry from the rest of them, just like every time i write. second, that was slopy! i must remember to clean our blood next time. yes, next time it will be perfect! next on the list is ronald weasley! watch out, 'cause here i come! (insert insane evil cackle)(again)

you'll soon find out


	13. Entry 13: September 10

Disclaimer: Is Harry pregnant with Draco's child? No? THEN I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER!

Blah Harry

**Blah Cato**

_Blah Rurik_

BLAH ROLAND

_**Blah Harkin**_

September 10

Entry # 13

I can't believe it. Ron is dead too. I lost both of my best friends. This is horrible! I wish I could just die, right here, right now!

His head was cut off; He was decapitated. His eyes were still closed and looked calm. He heard nothing, he died peacefully in the blessing of sleep. He had been very depressed, his girlfriend being dead and all.

This time, no blood, other than Ron's, was found. I was attacked too, or at least that's what everyone thinks. McGonagall found me with my wrists and throat wounds reopened. That was for days ago. Ron died on September 6, Hermione on September 2.

_You okay, Harry?_

**Yeah. You look blue and that really isn't your color.**

WELL DUH, GENIUS! HIS FRIENDS ARE DEAD!

**We now that, dumbass!**

_**Harry. I'm afraid that evil has awakened. We can't stop him now. He will soon be able to take control over you whenever he feels like it. I tried to warn you, but you COULDN'T stop the thoughts. Or maybe you didn't Want to stop them?**_

Of course I did, didn't I?

_You're doubting yourself; That's not good_.

**Harry, what have you done!**

I don't know!

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KILLED RON AND HERMIONE!

ROLAND

**Cato**

_**Harkin**_

_Rurik_

I don't know anymore.


	14. Entry 14: September 28

Disclaimer: Is Harry pregnant with Draco's child? No? THEN I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER!

Blah Harry

**Blah Cato**

_Blah Rurik_

BLAH ROLAND

_**Blah Harkin**_

blah deimos

September 28

Entry #14

I was in a coma for 18 days. I woke up about two hours ago. And guess what? Malfoy is dead! D-E-A-D! Dead! It's wonderful! He had it coming too, you know. His body was found completely drained of blood and his heart and some flesh was missing. I saw a picture of his cadaver in the Daily Prophet. He looked exactly the same way he did in my dreams. It was so disturbing, so gross, so ... so... Wicked Awesome! Damn! I have this weird metallic taste in my mouth and I think I can also taste meat. What kind I don't know though.

Well, first was Hermione, then Ron and now Malfoy. If my dreams are actually premonitions, then that means Dumbledore is next. I should warn him, but where is the fun in that? Besides, he deserves the beating he will get and I want to be the one doing the beating. HE killed Sirius, not me, not Bellatrix, HE did it. If he had told me about the damn prophecy before, Padfoot would still be alive and kicking. See? It's his fault.

**Harry! What the hell are you talking about!**

_Do you think the evil in him has taken over?_

IF SO, WE'LL TRANSFORM SOON!

_**I'm afraid Darkness has consumed him completely; There is no Harry anymore. **_

you are completely right. i have transformed completely. harry has died, there is no good in me no more; all of it has died! this is perfect! i can finally take pride in my handwork. boys, i believe it is time we pay our dear headmaster a visit.

_Yes, I agree._

HURRY UP! I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR HIM SCREAM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Should I bring the daggers? Or are we just going to beat him to death**

_**I vote for the second option. Time to die, Dumbledore!**_

(insert quintuple insane evil cackle)

ROLAND

**Cato**

**_Harkin_**

_Rurik_

deimos


	15. Entry 15: October 10 Final entry

Disclaimer: Someday it shall be mine! Until then, it belongs to Rowling

I just want to say to orlin, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEW! I thought that only my friend Cindy was going to like it. I'm glad now that I posted this story. But also, this is the last chapter. Sorry. I'll be posting another story soon. You see, I have a few, just didn't have the courage to post them.

**Blah Cato**

_Blah Rurik_

BLAH ROLAND

_**Blah Harkin**_

blah deimos

Blah Dumbledore

October 10

Entry #15

dumbledore got what was coming to him. he deserved the beating we gave him.

_Yes! His face was precious when he finally figured out who the murderer was._

**You mean were. There are five of us, moron.**

TOO BAD SNAPE WAS THERE TOO. NOW WE'RE IN AZKABAN!

_**But it was worth it, remember?**_

HOW COULD I FORGET?

FLASHBACK TO OCTOBER 2

idiot

WHATEVER.

PLACE: DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE

Harry! It's good to see you're doing better. Have your wounds healed completely?

what do you think, you pathetic old fart!

Harry? Are you all right? You're acting very peculiar today.

of course, you bastard. and one thing, I'm not harry anymore. the harry you knew and protected has died. my name is deimos. thank you so much for helping me destroy all goos that was left in harry's heart. it were your failed attempts to protect him that began to create horrible dark thoughts in his head, thus allowing his dark side, moi, to take permanent control. didn't the dursleys tell you? harry blamed himself for sirius', cedric's and his parents deaths. the guilt was overwhelming. he began cutting himself. he even got his aunt and uncle to buy him two daggers for his birthday, which he used to slit his throat and wrists, causing him to be in a coma for two weeks. that's how harry developed multiple personality disorder. his thoughts and mind were so fragmented, he felt so alone, that he created three personalities and gave form to his heart's greatest desires. there names are cato, rurik, roland and harkin.

they tried to help the good in harry survive, but in the end, his dark thoughts were too powerful, empowering and bringing forth my birth. we shall take over the wizarding world! we will kill voldie, but just to take over his place. but now, is time for you to pay for killing sirius.

WE TOOK A METAL PIPE AND BEAT HIM SENSELESS! HE WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A BLOODY MESS BY THE TIME WE WERE FINISHED. EVERY BONE IN HIS BODY WAS BROKEN. OH! HOW GOOD THAT FELT! THEN, BEFORE HE DIED, HIS BRILLIANT MIND FIGURED EVERYTHING OUT.

You're the one that killed them all, you're the crazed murderer that was loose on Hogwarts.

THEN HE EXPIRED.

_Unfortunately, none of us heard the scampering of feet from behind the door that belonged to one Severus Snape. If we had, we wouldn't be in this predicament._

shush! i'm trying to think here.

**What the hell are you thinking about, any ways?**

exactly how are we getting out of here.

_**You think we can escape? **_

of course! no dementor is keeping the rightful owner of the wizarding world trapped in a cell. besides, i'm bored. this place is supposed to drive people mad and i'm not mad yet. i'm very disappointed.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! YOU'RE INSANE ALREADY!

**That must be why he's so bored.**

got it. now, people of the wizarding world, we're leaving. beware, you're about to enter a time of darkness like no other before. voldie will seem like indigestion by the time we're through with you. the rightful rulers of the wizarding world are about to take their place at the throne.

_**Oh, and Snape? Watch out. You're next on our long list of "people to take the ultimate revenge on."**_

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD ON US!

ROLAND

deimos

_**Harkin**_

_Rurik_

**Cato**


End file.
